Hannah Brown The Bachelorette 1505

The Bachelorette Recap: The ‘Luke Ness Monster’ (Season 15 Episode 5)

Recaps, The Bachelorette

On The Bachelorette Season 15 Episode 5, Hannah and the men head to Scotland where Hannah is determined to make a fresh start. A group date turns out to be very revealing. Hannah tries to get clarity where Luke P. is concerned.

I’m not particularly loving Hannah B. as the Bachelorette (let’s just say there’s a reason they usually pick a woman who makes it to the final four). But she does make an effort to put an end to the overblown drama between Luke S. and Luke P.

Tired of being an intermediary between the twosome, she has them hash it out face to face. This kind of confrontation is usually reserved for a two-on-one date, but Hannah finds herself the third wheel as the Lukes throw down.

The deets are unimportant and unnecessary. Luke P. is bad news, and Luke S. spends way too much time worrying about Luke P. No Bachelor or Bachelorette picks someone who pays more attention to someone other than themselves anyway.

The Lukes go back and forth until Hannah just gets up and leaves. That’s it. The cocktail party is over, and Hannah’s ready to get on with the rose ceremony.

This upsets the other men because, once again, Luke P. becomes the epicenter of the evening. Luke S. figures he’s not getting a rose, so just as she’s about to begin, he pulls her aside for a quick chat. He apologizes for causing her any pain, but he feels compelled to defend his character.

Luke S. also warns Hannah to keep a close eye on Luke P. and then abruptly leaves. Hannah doesn’t try to convince him to stay, and I’d say this Southern girl is just over grown men and their pageant girl drama. 

Since ABC has no idea how to properly produce a teaser trailer, it’s no shock that Luke P. receives a rose. The other guys aren’t happy, and Hannah knows it. She just can’t quit him. She does cut John Paul Jones and Matteo loose. 

Hannah breaks the news to the remaining men that they’re heading to Inverness, Scotland (insert inappropriate bestiality humor here). Before heading off on her one-on-one with Mike, Hannah decides to make a toast. She tells the guys she hasn’t really been giving this process 100 percent or practicing what she preaches or something.

Truthfully, the girl is just not very sharp, and I don’t know where her head is at with this toast except that she’s ready to get a fresh start and “reset” in this new country. 

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The other guys are all over Luke like flies on haggis. After watching Luke P. knock Luke S. out of the competition for Hannah’s heart, they’re all feeling a bit threatened and worried. As for Luke P., he’s here for Hannah. We know this because he says it every time he’s in front of the camera.

Mike and Hannah do a bunch of cutesy things that couples do when they vacay together. They hit a bookstore, try on hats, drink some whiskey shots, eat haggis, and suck on some sour balls at a local candy store. When the men call Hannah “genuine,” I’m beginning to think it’s a euphemism for dumb.

Mike is a cool customer, and if he doesn’t stroll off into the sunset with Hannah, he’s got a decent shot at becoming the next Bachelor. He does comment that it takes him longer than the average person to fall in love which strikes me as a strange statement. 

What is the average time? Is there one? How does he know? Doesn’t being on this show completely contradict that statement?

Per usual. Mike professes his undying affection for Hannah during the evening portion of the date. What is more interesting is how Hannah admits for the past few years, she’s been going from man to man and adapting herself to those relationships because “she didn’t love herself enough.”

That’s pretty empowering stuff. It’s a shame she chose to go on a reality TV dating show with the sole purpose to find a husband instead of enjoying being single in her twenties. 

Mike sells himself as a self-assured dude. A 31-year-old man is experienced, but a woman of the same age is a desperate cougar. Gender inequality aside, Mike gets a rose.

Luke P. sits out the group date which is a mixed bag for the other guys. They don’t have to put up with his attention-seeking antics, but he’s also getting the other one-on-one.

Because beating the crap out of each other playing rugby isn’t aggro enough, this time, the men participate in some Celtic Highland Games. This includes ax throwing, running around with milk buckets, and, of course, some wrestling. The really cool part is they get to do it wearing kilts. 

Hannah’s looking for strength of heart, but since these guys don’t wear underwear beneath their kilts, she gets an eyeful of some other stuff. Jed is once again a standout, winning the games and Hannah’s continuing adoration.

Hannah slips into another pageant dress and spends the evening canoodling with several lucky guys. She may want to rethink her wardrobe in the future. Something with a bit more give is preferable when straddling someone or making out on top of a pool table. 

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Hannah really takes advantage of exploring her other relationships without Luke P. around. It’s an especially good night for Peter, Jed, Tyler C., Garrett, and Connor. Things aren’t looking good for unemployed hot dog enthusiast Grant or for Kevin. 

Jed gets the group date rose. Hannah can’t help but notice how chill everything is without Luke P. present. 

Luke P. would definitely implode if he witnessed Hannah’s loose lips, but he’s stuck back at the hotel being sized up by Mike. Mike gives Luke P. the moniker Luke Ness Monster. Oh, this one is going to stick. 

There is only one word to describe the remainder of the episode — agonizing. Luke P. behaves like a manbot during his one-on-one date, unable to express any genuine emotions. This could mean he’s a sociopath, it could mean he’s as stiff as a corpse in front of a camera, it could mean he lacks any depth, or he isn’t as crazy about Hannah and he claims to be.

Luke P. doesn’t seem to understand this date is a make-or-break situation. Hannah can’t deny they have a physical connection, but she’s also unable to ignore the red flags popping up all over the place. 

Hannah knows none of the other guys like him, but her biggest issue with Luke P. is that his lack of emotion comes across as very fake. So she tries to get him to show her something resembling genuine feelings. But Luke P. is all about saying the right thing at the right time..

Hannah would like to date someone people actually like, and Luke P. can’t figure out why this group of guys dislike him so much. Everywhere else and everyone else just LOVES him. For someone with a knack for saying the right thing, he really blows it with this self-inflated statement. 

Hannah grows so frustrated with Luke P. she has to excuse herself. She seeks advice from producers on how to deal with her Stepford date.

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Hannah goes so far as to ask one of them to get Luke P. to express something. Can’t a girl just find out if her potential mate prefers spaghetti to macaroni and cheese?

Hannah is determined to see this date through to completion. She doesn’t want to believe she’s got this attraction to someone so unappealing in every other way. At some point, it’s time to recognize you’re trying to cram a square peg into a round hole.

After a dismal day together, Luke P. gets one last chance (or so Hannah says) to open up at dinner. Luke knows he’s skating on thin ice and finally admits he’s been trying to be too perfect because he feels Hannah isn’t the same as she was in the beginning.

Luke also blames his behavior on the other men. He’s so busy defending himself, it’s messing up his game. These two are caught up in the emotional equivalent of a one night stand. It’s really time for Luke P. to make that walk of shame. 

Hannah keeps knocking, but nobody is at home. Hannah decides she can’t give Luke P. a rose. But will this rejection turn Bruce Banner into the Hulk? 

What did you think of this episode of The Bachelorette? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

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The Bachelorette airs Monday at 8/7c on ABC.

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Jennifer has been working as a freelance writer for six years, contributing to BuddyTV, Screen Rant, TVRage, Hidden Remote, Gossip On This, and PopMatters. She prefers binge-watching old episodes of The Office (British and American versions) to long walks on the beach. She's still holding out hope that Happy Endings will get a revival.

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